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I'm supposed to be asleep by now, I'm supposed to be sleeping (or trying to) at 11.30. it's 11.57.

you would think I'm thinking about results, not strange, considering that it's coming out in about 14 hours. but no. 

I told God I'll say good night at 11.30, provided I don't accidentally fall asleep before that. 

11.30 comes and he hits me with a bomb. what do I do now, what do I think.

I'm not supposed to be thinking about such things the NIGHT before results. nightmare more like it. 

God, this'll make me grow. grow so much everyone else will be jelly yes? of course. 

I am still now. 

I am waiting for your voice. comfort me please. I am sick of turning to humans because they always disappoint. I can't wait to see you face to face. to hug you would feel like the most glorious thing on (or off) earth I'd imagine. 

you never disappoint. I will rely on you. I will depend on you and you alone. Lord please save me. I'm not alone because I have you. in Jesus' name, amen.

so on a lighter note, today I went to three open houses (yes THREE). they were so tiring. 

in conclusion: 

vj: people are friendly, maybe overly friendly. got asked if we wanted a guided tour like thrice in the first 5 minutes. we said no and regretted it. then I saw Fang, oh man yeah. she kind of brought us around (not really). after (and before we went) we left vj, we concluded it's too far anyway and we wouldn't go there. but it was interesting!

ac: MAN THEIR MUSIC IS LOUD. but we walked in and no one asked us if we wanted a guided tour!!! I kept mentioning that to Kai and she just tsk-ed me hahahha but basically I realised that ac's one huge party and no one's gonna invite you to it but everyone has an unspoken invitation. and if you don't put yourself in the party you won't enjoy anything. SO HAVE THICKER SKIN. yes. but idk if that's how their school is normally. that would be quite fun. we also found out that ac has swimming lessons (God I'm trusting in you not to let me drown and actually learn how to swim if I do end up in ac) and their squash has a non-competitive team!! which means it is less stressful and me and Kai can join if we end up there. which would be quite fun woohoo bruises here I come.

nj: it was boring. that's all. I saw some people. that's all. maybe cause it was late. yes. giving them that excuse. 

God let me just stop worrying about everything and anything and leave everything to you. I cannot change anything, especially not other people, so please just grant me peace and joy in everything I do. amen.