Friday the thirteenth, 8:36 PM.
Well it's been a long long long time. There are so many things in my head I can't think of where to begin.
Despite that, I think I'll start with hopes/dreams since I just read Michelle's blog post and also since the Adam Khoo thing has ended for a week already.
During almost every single day of that damn motivational talk, they asked us to come up with a life path. "Know what you're gonna do in the future, or fail," was their underlying message to me. What do I wanna be when I'm older? I don't know but since early last year, or possibly even late the previous year, my mom has been stressing me on my 'O's results. "Must get single digit ok?" "Yes mom. Okay mom. I'll try but I probably can't do it." Standard answers but in my mind I was just digging a hole for myself over and over and over again. I just wanted it to stop. Then came the "Aiya, she sure go to St. Andrew's one lah, where else to go?!" Then I would just mumble to myself, "somewhere better perhaps," rolling my eyes at how much they underestimated me.
I guess that's just the problem with me. When they say I'll do well, my brain turns off, telling myself I can't do it. When they don't, my brain goes into overload, starting to swear at them, et cetera. Only last week, or maybe earlier than that, just that I hadn't realized yet, I decided what I wanted to do, not for anyone, for myself.
I told myself: 6 points, ACS(I), here I come. I can do it. 6 points isn't that hard.
Then Monday came, last year's 'O's results. I almost died. Reality hit, I finally understood that if I wanted to get 6 points, I had to be among the top few girls in school.
Who the heck do I think I'm kidding?! Scolded myself for the whole of Monday.
Had an A math test on Tuesday that I am 90% sure that I will fail, put myself down more.
6 POINTS?! ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND LADY?! Yes, talking to myself is extremely weird.
But, nevertheless, I'm gonna try my best. If I can't get into ACS(I), ACJC then SAJC. If I'm really able to make it, I may consider VJ too.
So tomorrow, after 1201, I'm gonna get A math tution from Dylen and Felly. I hope they're good, my brother is of no use/help as of yet. I'm gonna get them to help me with binomial, trigonometry, logarithm (hate forever), maybe quadratic... Sigh, I really am bad at A math. I guess I kind of deserve it for not paying attention at all after mid years last year. :( Okay.
Also, speaking of weird (earlier), Ms Kaur told us to introduce ourselves and one thing we want to class to know. I said "I'm Daphne, and I'm weird." Then, she LAUNCHED into this whole speech about how weird and different are different. Different has a positive connotation, weird has a negative. I told her she's implying that being weird is bad. She said no, I never said that, it's just that you should say I'm different instead of I'm weird. I was like ..... what on earth is happening. She didn't let me talk, then proceeded to tell me not to say nevermind (cause I gave up trying to argue) when she doesn't even let me say anything. She spent about 10 - 15 minutes talking about this and I just gave up. She implied that weird is bad, you shouldn't introduce yourself as weird. But really, as long as you respect yourself for who you are, won't people respect you too?! It's not as if I'm ashamed of being weird. She even said that I call myself weird because people started calling me weird first, BUT NO, I started it. I shall stop the rant. I am completely fine and dandy with being weird, I like it in fact, it's so fun. It's not as if having people laugh at the things you do are bad, I laugh at myself too. In fact, I laugh to myself, apparently. Goodness I AM so weird. Whatever, I'm cool with it hahaha.
Okay, stop. I should stop. Or it will never ever end.
Lyss and I went to be interviewed today. We left before assembly started and DAMN, it's so easy to leave school. We did better than I expected for the radio thing but it still took extremely long. On the way back to school, we encountered a potential stalker dude. It was a false alarm. THE END.
Ok this is a long post. BYEEEEEEEE.
