009

I feel so bottled up. I don't even know how to express it. If I don't make any sense, ah heck just skip this entire post and let me vent in peace. 

Mid-years just ended and I don't know what to do with my life. Chinese O's are in about 2 weeks, well two weeks and a few hours. Ugh God please let me do well for Chinese and the rest of O's. I really want to do IB and Dawn does too and man if we both get in, it'll be such a great experience for both of us. God please please send us there. I know it's practically impossible for me to get 4 to be able to go to acs(i) but that's the best part! It means that if I do get in, it won't be by my efforts but only by your grace. Right? I don't know. Okay I should just stop thinking so much and do my best and let You do the rest. Yes. I am rhyming. I feel like I'm talking to myself. Oh well.

Okay. So everything's been so darn complicated nowadays and I'm really bored but still lazy enough to not want to type it out. So basically getting quite bored with life and begging for some drama to happen somewhere so I can entertain myself. But I still need to concentrate with work though. Sigh. Okay so my life up to last Thursday for about the past few weeks have been: wake up > school > study > bathe > eat > study > qt > freak out > pray > peace > sleep > repeat. And I'm pretty sure it's about to go back to that cycle cause from tomorrow onwards all hell will break loose in me because we are having Chinese intensive for like a million hours a week. But up side, it only lasts two weeks. But sadly that means two weeks of trying to get myself to love Chinese but being too lazy to study and end up panicking at the last minute.

MOVING ON.

Saturday's ACS(I) IB talk and DSA talk so I'm prolly going with I don't know who but then I'll meet Dawn there or something and then go to church. Okay stop talking about this. BUT ON SUNDAY WE'RE GONNA WATCH AVENGERS :D I'm so excited.

Is it just me or does this post seem so fake. Oh. I should stop. This is messing with my head and making me more troubled than I already am.

Also, I've been having sudden influxes of sadness a lot recently. :( Like a little now, I can feel it coming on. I should go. Okay.

BYEEEEEEEEE

008 - Lent first, rant later

HAHAHAHAHA I am so funny. Obviously I haven't lost my sense of humour over the long hiatus.

Okay, so firstly, the lessons I've learnt during lent: 

1. I've been revealing too much of my life to the Internet (and the general population on the Internet) before. Right after Lent ended, when I started to tweet, it made me feel very uncomfortable. It sounds so ridiculous now because last time I couldn't even stop tweeting. It felt like all these random people on the Internet were able to hear my thoughts, and most of what went through my mind on that day is something like this: "Oh no, this is too private," "Someone weird whom I don't know is going to read this but I won't even know anything about him/her!" "What is happening to me?!" "They shouldn't know this!" All of them were just running through my head and I was pretty close to going insane, if I must say so myself. (Figuratively, of course.)

2. God's there to hear me even when there isn't anyone. I was quite shocked, now that I think back about it, that I wasn't really angry many times during that period, just once or twice. Though those one or two times were really horrible, I was so angry I think I was close to tears. But it really made me realize that we don't have any one person that we can always talk to, well except for God of course. Now, if I wasn't on a fast, I would've ranted out my heart on twitter or something, raging and all, with the swear words and curses to people that I'm sure I would certainly regret. Yeah, so it really made me calm down and start praying because when no physical human being is there to hear you out who else can you call on but God? No one. Exactly. 

3. People nowadays rely so much on the Internet. It just made me wonder if the Internet crashes, what would happen? I don't know. Maybe people will start wailing like how North Koreans cried when Kim Jong Il died. 

I really can't think of anything else right now because my brain is like half dead so yeah. 

I am too tired to rant. I will rant in the next post maybe the day after tomorrow or after that or whenever I'm free. Probably before the mid-years because I'll be so stressed out, I'll need some release somewhere, and that would be here.

007 - Longass update

Okay. I've just decided that I'm gonna fast for lent this year. Not a physical food fast, but more like... hm, social maybe? I'm going to ban myself from all social media until Easter begins. 

So I thought I might as well update this ancient blog before I disappear off the face of the earth for like forty days. 

Well, when was the last time I've updated this man. Let me update you on my life. It has been more than a month. I should do weekly updates.

Well, let's just start from... whenever. Let's go backward, since it's so much easier for me haha.

Today I went to botanic gardens to have a SYPA workshop with some of the people from media. Hong Huazheng and Jonathan Yeap. They gave us some tips then asked us to go take some photos. Basically the whole day was almost like torture and I had to miss 12:01 because of that. Also, to get to the room where the workshop was, we had to walk from one end of the gardens to literally the other side. It took us about half an hour. Well that's... good exercise. 

Yesterday, before lit lesson started, Wai Yee mentioned how she would need to sit through 3 hours of praise and worship that night. Turns out she was going for ACNOW. Found out about it like a few weeks ago but I thought no one from our school would be going so I didn't bother asking anyone and I forgot about it. Freaked out and started frantically asking whether anyone from church would go with me but all of them weren't free. Wai offered for me to go with her and Yue Ning and her church friends. Awkward was the first thought then okay. It didn't turn out to be that bad. And it was really a great night. We reached ACS(I) a little later than we should've and I saw Andre but I couldn't confirm that it was him at first. Told Wai that I saw my friend and she asked what his name is. Guess what she and Yue Ning proceeded to do? Scream it when we were walking around. Oh great joy! Thank God he went into the auditorium already (I think) or I would've died of embarrassment. Hahaha, oh St. Marg's girls... Carina joined us before that and halfway during worship guess who came? Eugene! My goodness hahaha it was so weird. But overall it was an amazing time of worship but the sermon didn't match up. The worship leader had such an amazing voice. It's so hard to find guys with nice voices nowadays. :( 

Still super great night and now I want to have more enthu worship sessions in church. I wish traditional Anglicans aren't that narrow-minded about worshipping. I mean like aren't we supposed to just have fun and all? Oh well, waiting for Festival of Praise.

Total Defence day was on Wednesday. Bianca Alyssa and I didn't go to school because we had to be at ITE West at 7.45 am. I was late, obviously, and the whole day passed really quickly. We didn't win. I was a little numb at first and it felt like I took a whole second to respond when the emcee called us on stage. Disappointment finally set in when I got home, or when I was on my way home. It felt horrible. I can't elaborate, just can't describe how it felt. 

School's the same, got back a few tests, some were good, some were okay, a number were disappointing. But that's okay I guess, I still have time to buck up on whatever I need to. 

I gave out meringues on Valentine's Day, to the class and other people. It was quite okay, judging by everyone's responses. Went to Island Creamery for ice cream, a treat by Miss Koh (as in P S), and met up with Valencia and Chermaine. Man, Chermaine's V-Day gift was amazing. Will not forget it anytime soon. Also, they shared that Social Studies and English are a lot more lenient in marking during O's so I needn't focus or stress about it that much. So this way, I should and will just concentrate more on my math and sciences. On a brighter note, I got my determination back to score well for O's. 

Sabrina's friend (the chef, Wilson) came for 12:01 last week and it was such an interesting session. He gave us all words and made us give Sabrina words after that. It was so refreshing to change what we were doing. Let's just say that I won't be forgetting what he said anytime soon. After that, while Zac and I were waiting for our parents to fetch us, we hung out at Orange Thimble and he and Michelle invited us for a barbeque (sausage barbeque) the Saturday after the next, which is next Saturday now. Can't wait!

I don't think anything much happened that I can remember. Oh, celebrated Kai Wen's birthday on her actual birthday. 'Twas fun. Her house is actually quite nice, and she should stop being so humble, like how everyone in class lives in landed/condo but she lives in HDB. But her house is actually so big. Goodness. 

Okay, I think that's it. Yep.

Oh, here are some pictures I took today that I think are quite nice. Please let me know your comments cause I need to find pictures for the SYPA competition :( 

006 - Oh man.

Friday the thirteenth, 8:36 PM. 

Well it's been a long long long time. There are so many things in my head I can't think of where to begin. 

Despite that, I think I'll start with hopes/dreams since I just read Michelle's blog post and also since the Adam Khoo thing has ended for a week already. 

During almost every single day of that damn motivational talk, they asked us to come up with a life path. "Know what you're gonna do in the future, or fail," was their underlying message to me. What do I wanna be when I'm older? I don't know but since early last year, or possibly even late the previous year, my mom has been stressing me on my 'O's results. "Must get single digit ok?" "Yes mom. Okay mom. I'll try but I probably can't do it." Standard answers but in my mind I was just digging a hole for myself over and over and over again. I just wanted it to stop. Then came the "Aiya, she sure go to St. Andrew's one lah, where else to go?!" Then I would just mumble to myself, "somewhere better perhaps," rolling my eyes at how much they underestimated me. 

I guess that's just the problem with me. When they say I'll do well, my brain turns off, telling myself I can't do it. When they don't, my brain goes into overload, starting to swear at them, et cetera. Only last week, or maybe earlier than that, just that I hadn't realized yet, I decided what I wanted to do, not for anyone, for myself. 

I told myself: 6 points, ACS(I), here I come. I can do it. 6 points isn't that hard. 

Then Monday came, last year's 'O's results. I almost died. Reality hit, I finally understood that if I wanted to get 6 points, I had to be among the top few girls in school. 

Who the heck do I think I'm kidding?! Scolded myself for the whole of Monday. 

Had an A math test on Tuesday that I am 90% sure that I will fail, put myself down more.

6 POINTS?! ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND LADY?! Yes, talking to myself is extremely weird. 

But, nevertheless, I'm gonna try my best. If I can't get into ACS(I), ACJC then SAJC. If I'm really able to make it, I may consider VJ too. 

So tomorrow, after 1201, I'm gonna get A math tution from Dylen and Felly. I hope they're good, my brother is of no use/help as of yet. I'm gonna get them to help me with binomial, trigonometry, logarithm (hate forever), maybe quadratic... Sigh, I really am bad at A math. I guess I kind of deserve it for not paying attention at all after mid years last year. :( Okay.

Also, speaking of weird (earlier), Ms Kaur told us to introduce ourselves and one thing we want to class to know. I said "I'm Daphne, and I'm weird." Then, she LAUNCHED into this whole speech about how weird and different are different. Different has a positive connotation, weird has a negative. I told her she's implying that being weird is bad. She said no, I never said that, it's just that you should say I'm different instead of I'm weird. I was like ..... what on earth is happening. She didn't let me talk, then proceeded to tell me not to say nevermind (cause I gave up trying to argue) when she doesn't even let me say anything. She spent about 10 - 15 minutes talking about this and I just gave up. She implied that weird is bad, you shouldn't introduce yourself as weird. But really, as long as you respect yourself for who you are, won't people respect you too?! It's not as if I'm ashamed of being weird. She even said that I call myself weird because people started calling me weird first, BUT NO, I started it. I shall stop the rant. I am completely fine and dandy with being weird, I like it in fact, it's so fun. It's not as if having people laugh at the things you do are bad, I laugh at myself too. In fact, I laugh to myself, apparently. Goodness I AM so weird. Whatever, I'm cool with it hahaha. 

Okay, stop. I should stop. Or it will never ever end. 

Lyss and I went to be interviewed today. We left before assembly started and DAMN, it's so easy to leave school. We did better than I expected for the radio thing but it still took extremely long. On the way back to school, we encountered a potential stalker dude. It was a false alarm. THE END.

Ok this is a long post. BYEEEEEEEE.

005 - Lists

I've realised that I've a lot of things to do and remember. So here is a post all about lists and "note to self"s so that I can compile them into one huge chunk and edit them whenever I feel like. Here are some, from the old blog:

To do whenever:

• Design my new room.
• Convince myself that ‘Mortal Instruments’ is not creepy and start reading it.
• Pack and get ready all my stuff for the new house.
• Throw away all useless things.
• Do the youth camp thing properly and be proud of it.
• Find a way to type properly and not sound boring.
• Do more qt.
• Swear less.
• Be nicer to people.
• Curb my OCD needs.
• Bake cinnamon rolls nicely.
• Cook something for someone.
• Stop hating so many people.
• DIY some shit for myself.
• Write snail mail to some people secretly and make them happy.
• Find a way to ask people for their addresses without them suspecting that I will send them something.
• Eat less junk.
• Exercise more.
• Have a gay (not literally) sleepover with the church people.
• Do gay (again, not literally) things at the sleepover, i.e. paint our nails, bake, tie dye, pillow fights (lul)
• Save more money to buy more things, refer to the things to buy list.
• Splatter paint some shit.
• Decide whether I want to buy iPhone 4s or wait for iPhone 5.
• Make crème brûlée
• Look over these lists once a month and update it often enough.
• Swear lesser.
• Learn to bake better.
• Do the crayon melting art.

 Things to buy:

• Uglies trilogy + one by Scott Westerfeld
• Divergent by Veronica Roth
• Matched and Crossed by Ally Condie
• Delirium by Lauren Oliver
• Wither by Lauren Destefano
• Birthmarked and Prized by Caragh M. O’Brien
• The Bar Code Tattoo and Rebellion by Suzanne Weyn
• The Pledge by Kimberly Derting
• Legend by Marie Lu
• Moleskine for 2012
• A baggu backpack (maybe)
• More bags, in general
• A nice wallet that I can just carry around that will fit my phone but will not look overly fat (it can't fit my phone but it's good enough for now.)
• A blowtorch, for fun and to make some crème brûlée
• Nicer clothes
• More shoes
• A super comfy hoodie that’s not too thick
• Birthday presents
• A book shelf
• A cool shit bed frame (maybe)
• Book hopefully imax, if not, 3D tickets for The Hunger Games (Coming to a cinema near you! 22 March 2012)

Books coming up, to buy if they’re nice:

• Pure by Julianna Baggott (Februrary 8, 2012)
• Fever, sequel to Wither, by Lauren Destefano (Februrary 15, 2012)
• Pandemonium, sequel to Delirium, by Lauren Oliver (March 6,2012)
• Insurgent, sequel to Divergent, by Veronica Roth (May 28, 2012) [This has got to be the most exciting one]

To Do Before Lessons Start (09/01/2012):

• Do up my new file: insert folders and make new labels.
• Get ready the second file for homework.
• Slowly bring all the heavy books to school one at a time so I don't have to carry everything on Monday itself.
• Mentally prepare myself for the lessons.
• Finish the 50 English expressions.
• Finish Chinese homework.
• Gather up all my completed homework and allow myself a moment of satisfaction.
• Double check to see if I missed out on any homework.
• Pack my bag, remember the calculator, Chinese dictionary, flexible ruler, et cetera...

004 - Things and such.

Man. I just read Rachel's post on her blog, as in Chong. And damn, she is right.

That day, when we were doing 1201 in my house, I stopped for a little bit and heard us. We sound so amazing, I don't even know how to describe it. There wasn't anything spectacular about any of our voices alone but we really sounded quite... I really don't know what to say. But yeah, if our voices sound so good to our ears, what does it sound like to God? Especially if you add on the voices of the angels, assuming they worship with us, which I think they do. 

Also, school is starting tomorrow, I hope everything goes well this year. Damn, okay. I should stop trying to tell what the future will hold for us. Okay. 

Also, last night, I found out that a diameter of a Crayola crayon is 5/16 inches. So if I use all 64 of them, it would be exactly 20 inches!!! I love it when small things like these work out like that. So I will go to Art Friend soon with Rachel to get some canvas and to start on our project soon. Yes. Excitement.

I'm so bored, I don't know what to blog about. Okay, bye.