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sigh. (this is a contented sigh, not a sad sigh) it has been a good day. 

woke up feeling kind of crappy and ended up feeling crappier even before lunch. after eating a little, and changing about ten times because I couldn't decide what to wear, I got on the bus and started to get psyched about meeting Tiff, Fang, Jacq and HY later. 

man. these girls are so retarded and fun. I miss them. I can't believe we met up today though, we only started planning yesterday. what is this. thank God though. I hope we continue meeting up they really are such a relief from daily life. 

so I've been catching up (kinda) with Tiff and told her I'm aiming for HC and no surprise, she gets really excited hahaha. I really do hope I get in though, I like bukit timah, I don't wanna leave. I am considering considering VJ now. but I don't know. it'll probably come after ACS(I). I'll see how the open house goes on Wednesday (so excited) 

and results day has finally been released as tenth. Jan. which is Thursday. which is also in three days. I am more excited than nervous. I am just praying I don't get my hopes up because I don't wanna cry in front of everyone. God help me be contented with anything you give me because I don't know what I'll do if I do badly. God your will is best for me and I shan't worry about anything. please let your will be done in my life. 

so on the way back home, In My Love (by Phil Wickham) played on my phone and it's the first time I actually LISTENED to the lyrics and it kind of smacked me in the face. so it goes something like (the chorus):

In all your hurt, in all your pain 

I'll never leave, I won't forsake 

You're my child and I'm your God 

Come and rest in my love

 and I almost stopped in the middle of the sidewalk. I don't know why it took a song or why it took me so long. but then I realised that recently I've been relying on myself for too many things and haven't taken the time to REST in him. (also the verses are so moving cause... well. I can relate. as cliche as that sounds)

God understands how I feel and wants to take over but I haven't been letting him. God, Lord, now I declare I hand over EVERY part of my life over to you. you have unrestricted access and may be the only one like that. God you are sovereign over me. I haven't been trusting God fully in everything. even when people leave, you'll still be here Lord, you understand me and only you do. heck, you're probably feeling that every single day about everyone who ignores you, me included. but I'm going to try to prevent that now. God help me to talk to you more. 

I will experience uncircumstantial joy in everything I do. especially alone time. I will no longer have lonely time because I have God yay. 

I will rest in your love daily. hourly. I will not worry about getting hurt or falling down because God'll be there to catch me and hold me up and carry me when I can't carry myself. 

God help me with all this because my willpower is nothing compared to your power.